I have exactly 5 days to come up with a new track. My mind is blank. It’s some stupid talent show then I’m never going to even come close to winning. In reality, all “talent” shows are really popularity contests anyway.

All my songs are about drinking, mental illness and mythical creatures anyway.

So that’s why I should probably write something new…

You have a baby, well done. I’ve seen so many baby pictures that I could probably identify your baby in a lineup! (And that’s saying something as to me, a non-mother, all babies look the same)

I love that you’re an enthusiastic parent and I get that maybe your family quite enjoy seeing pictures of your kids, that’s what shared Photostream is for!

I don’t care if they farted for the first time or that you’ve dressed them up as a bumblebee (ok, that’s pretty funny).

This isn’t directed at one friend. This is literally aimed at about 8 people on my Facebook feed.

Bearing in mind, I was about 19 or 20 when I wrote these!

• “IS IT TOO EARLY FOR HOT PUNANI?” Said the 65 yr old lady as she approached me at work. I knew wat she meant but it was still funny as hell!
• Had a dream about Chris Wolstenholme but I had a nosebleed and it freaked him out… :O
• So the Queen is gettin on a bit. I wldnt trust her with the sword that she knights people with! Luckily Sir Patrick Stuart has both his ears.
• TMI Tuesday: I’m going Tampon shopping later.
• I don’t fork… or even spoon. If people get on my nerves, I have a tendency to KNIFE!
• IF DAD’S WORK WIFE AKA NEW DAUGHTER IS STAYING FOR DINNER….I don’t have anything against her- she’s really nice, but she’s not family!
• I lost a follower? Well fuq you and the horse you rode in on!
• If you were a debit card, where would you hide?
• Ugh… apparently I said I’d pay for Matt’s ear piercings.. which pisses me off because it’s SO out of character for me… BYE MONEY!
• From about the age of 6, I wanted to be either a vampire or a pop-star. And to be honest, my aspirations haven’t really changed since…
• Its exactly 1 month till Muse. Hopefully this year I will actually REMEMBER the gig. (I wasnt under the influence, I was in my “dark place”)
• A man on a bike called me a slut today. I was terribly offended. Just because I’m wearing a sluts uniform, it doesn’t make me a slut!
• Death and I have been scandalously intimate for some time now.
• Take this lump of sugar baby, you know you want it.
• According to OKtrends, iPhone users have the highest level of sexual activity.
• Good cop/ bad cop parents never work.

So what’s going on with me at the moment?

• I’m ill. My legs hurt, my heart beats too fast and for a while I was always hungry.
• It may be a thyroid problem, may be a cardio problem, may be anaemia. Fun.
• I’ve been too ill to do any proper job at work, so I’ve been taking calls on the operator phones.
• Yesterday I only worked 2 hours before having to go home. I didn’t feel well!
• This morning my doctor called and said my ECG was cancelled because the nurse had to take emergency leave.
• I had a blood test today. First one without them numbing my arm. I had a panic attack and cried. Boo. I embarrassed myself.
• I re-schedualled my ECG for tomorrow. Meaning I will have to take some time off work.
• FUN TIMES AHEAD!

So I’m like, pretty ill. I can already hear my mum saying “You’re not that ill if you’re sitting at your computer”. But I AM that ill and I’ve been in bed all day drinking Lemsip and sucking on Soothers.

I planned my recovery so that I’d call in sick tomorrow and then I’m off anyway on Wednesday. So plenty of time to recover.

I just got a message from a co-worker saying “Thank’s for swapping shifts, you’ll be working 8:45 on Wednesday instead of Thursday. You’re a star!”. I forgot all about that! So much for my 3 day recovery.

The thing is, despite working with so many people, I still feel bad if I need to take the day off because I feel I’ll let someone down. I really could have done with the day off yesterday but I knew everybody would be cursing my name if they found out I called in sick.

*Le Sigh*

I’m working 3-9:30 today. What’s up with that?! Starting at THREE?! Bloody ridiculous. I’m feeling ill but I’m going in just to prove a point. So many people were off yesterday which made it hard on everyone else.

Last week I came into work with mild neurapraxia and nasty migranes even though I was told by my doctor to rest at home. It’s stupid when people think it’s okay to take a few days off with a sniffly nose and a headache.

Man up people!

• My eyes hurt but it’s impossible to get an opticians appointment.
• I’ve lost the feeling in my arms and legs. Doctor says it’s mild neurapraxia.
• I’m worried doctor made a wrong diagnosis.
• I’m seeing Muse in a matter of weeks. 3rd time!
• Not heard back from the job interview. 
• Not sure if I can eat the ice cream in the freezer in fear of diabetes.
• I think my childhood hypochondria has come back.
• Yes, it has.

• Catchup with Hannah.
• Resident Evil @ IMAX.
• Mummy & daddy are coming to visit.